Definitions of Love
by whispering-inthemoonlight
Summary: If I were to put together our relationship on paper, it'd be a book of love XXX There are so many ways I could describe how I feel about you, "love" is merely one of them and doesn't even get close to touching the wholeness of it.
1. Amusing

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own glee or any of its characters. This is for entertainment purposes only.**

**Author's Note: Why hello fanfic readers/followers of mine! It's nice to see you all again! This is my new fanfic story. It's just random short bits of the finchel relationship described by one word. The idea came from the book The Lover's Dictionary, which was really a good book, so you should read it. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. I am loving writing it. It's not A/U, but we will get future-fic. You'll be able to tell when it's in the future though, so don't worry. Now, read please! And don't forget to review! It means the world to me **

**Amusing**

It's moments like these that I wonder just how lucky I am to have you in my life.

You're wearing a cute yellow sundress and you look pretty hot, by the way. The way the light fabric ends just above your knees and it wraps around your chest, puffing your breasts out to make them appear larger. It's a total turn on. Besides the sexy factor, you look really pretty. Your hair has its usual soft curl to it and you're toying with it while talking to Mr. Schue about a Mash-Up idea you had in mind for Regionals. You mentioned it while I drove you to school this morning.

Obviously he likes your song. I can't see his face, but I can see yours. Your petal soft, pink hue lips open and curl up; revealing your blindingly white teeth in a smile that stretches across your face so happily it probably hurts. Not to mention the way your chocolate brown eyes just light up and enlarge, something that _always _happens when you get what you want or are just plain happy.

For some reason, your eyes stray from Mr. Schue and back to where I'm sitting. We share a private moment together, for everyone else in the classroom is conversing with one another. It's just our gaze and it's special. You let out a soft laugh before going back to talking with Mr. Schuester.

You never fail to charm me, Rachel Berry.


	2. Acrimonious

**A/N: Every chapter switches between Rachel and Finn's POV. You'll be able to tell who's telling what. **

**Acrimonious**

"Why are you such a bitter person?" I yell at him, allowing frustration to flow through my body.

My cheeks were flushed and my eyebrows were knitted together roughly. I pointed a finger in his face as I enunciated each word I spoke, trying to tell him just how angry he made me.

"That's the best you've got?" He challenges with a smile.

It's not even a smile. It's that _stupid _half-smirk think he does that usually makes me feel like Jell-O, but is now making me even more enraged.

It was his fault that we're fighting in the first place. He was the one who was getting all down on himself for not being able to get into a New York college. After he was turned down from NYU, where I was going to be attending next fall, he turned into a sour lemon who thought the world was going to end.

"You are agitating me, Finn Hudson," I stress, sending him a warning glare.

His face tightens.

"I don't even know what that means," He shrugs.

"Maybe that's why you didn't get into NYU!"


	3. Amorous

**Amorous**

I loved when she got all touchy feely while we kissed. And it was really awesome now because her dads' were literally gone all the time for business trips since it was the start of a new fiscal year. Whatever that meant. They were legal lawyers for taxes and whatnot. I wasn't really interested in the specifics. All I cared about is when and how long they were going to be gone so I could make out with their daughter.

That sounded really bad, didn't it?

_Not the time to think about it, Hudson_, I think to myself as Rachel pulls away to breathe, her small hands on either side of my face.

I open my eyes and am met with her dark irises, amazed by the fact I could feel all warm and stuff just by looking into someone's eyes. I mean, they're just eyes. But, these eyes… They scream Rachel Berry and they're the only eyes I ever want to see.

She pushes me onto my back so she's now straddling my body. I nearly lose it all when her hips start grinding against mine and it creates a sensual friction that causes my head to spin in a good way. I let out a grunt and she whimpers before letting her hand trail down to my pants, the thin fingers running over the bulge in my pants.

_Good Lord._


	4. Attractive

**Attractive**

It was no lie that my boyfriend was kind of a stud. Ever after the whole 'going back to Quinn because you cheated on me and I need to try and fix myself' crap blew over and we got back together after Nationals, I had really taken his physical appearance to heart.

I know that probably sounds terrible and I'm almost ashamed of the superficial qualities I'm currently sporting, but… I mean, look at him. The perfect contours of his face; the angular cheek bones, the ski-sloped nose, the adorable angel kisses, and the amber shaded eyes. Then there's his body; tall, lengthy, and _muscly_. It was so much for one girl to take and I'm blessed that I ever snagged this catch.

I'm sure if Finn was two hundred pounds overweight, had pimples covering his face, and wore dirty sweatpants I'd still love him as much as I do now. We're soul mates and nothing would stop me from wanting to be with him.

But… It's nice that he's hot. I'll definitely enjoy it for the rest of my life.


	5. Amazing

**Amazing**

"You said you saw _fireworks _when you kissed Quinn," She blushes, turning her head away so I can't see her face anymore. "How am I supposed to compare to that?"

I sigh audibly. I'd really made an ass of a move back when I had a bad case of mono. I had really made an ass of a move in general when I broke up with Rachel only to go back to Quinn. Like, how could I forgive a girl who got knocked up by my best friend over a girl who had made out with my best friend? Both were really bad and fucked up, trust me, but come on… It made absolutely no sense that I dated crazy Quinn again.

But when I had mono, I had made the mistake of telling Rachel what it was like kissing Quinn to me. And to be honest, I did see fireworks when I kissed Quinn. I'm not sure if it was the whole surprise factor or if it was true stuff, but whatever it was, it wasn't even close to what I felt when I kissed Rachel.

"I don't see anything when we kiss," I admit.

When I hear a soft cry I get up and move to the other side of her so I can see her face. Even crying Rachel was beautiful. Her face never got all puffy and real red like his did. It looked like he was constipated when he cried. No, Rachel just had gushes of tears falling down her cheeks in streams and her eyes got red rimmed, maybe a little blood shot. Her lips would swell up and look even more pink than usual.

"But it's not about what I see, Rachel," I tell her. "I _feel _when I kiss you. It's like, sure I saw fireworks when Quinn and I kissed when we got back together, but I always felt empty. With you, my whole insides like fill up and stuff. It's a really cool feeling. And it's slow and exciting and I just love the rush I get."

She stops her crying and wipes at her wet face, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"Really?"

I nod my head, "Really. And you want to know something about fireworks? They never last forever. Once you set one off, it always dies out and it never goes off again. What Quinn and I had will never go off again. You got it?"

She lets out a small chuckle.

"I got it."


	6. Adjacent

**Adjacent**

I never really liked the idea of cuddling. I felt like it was pushing too hard to live up to romantic movie/book standards. When do people honestly have the time to snuggle with their loved one? So many things were happening in my life (dance lessons, music lessons, college applications, glee club, homework, studying, etc.) that to take the time to lie down close next to Finn never deemed to be appropriate.

That was until he suggested that we did.

It was a perfect spring night. We had just gotten done eating dinner with Carole and Burt. They retired for the night after an hour or so of conversation. I always loved the Hummel/Hudson clan and couldn't wait until the day I joined in (officially) on the fun. But that was far ahead in the future and now wasn't the time to be thinking of that.

"Let's go to the hammock," He softly speaks. "I can see all the stars out tonight and I want to get a better look."

I simply nodded my head with a smile on my face. Sometimes Finn could actually be sentimental. I don't blame him for wanting to go look at the stars. We probably wouldn't be seeing any for a long time when we move to New York for college.

He took my hand and we walked out to the large backyard, going to the hammock that was nuzzled between two trees that were just about to get their leaves fully back. It gave a perfect clearing up to the crystal blue sky that was dotted with zillions of bright white dots. He eased onto the hammock first and I looked down at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You think this thing can support the both of us?" I question.

He lets out a laugh.

"Come on. Take a chance on me," He beckons.

Taking an uneasy breath, I climb on top of him before I lie in close quarters. My back is pressed against his chest, both of us looking up at the sky. About a minute later the hammock stops swaying from the movement of us settling in. We're met with the winds _shhh_ and the rivers _whoosh._

It's all very peaceful. His chin rests against my shoulder and his arms circle around my waist. The feeling is comforting and strange. New.

"We don't do this often," He points out.

I nod my head and hum in pleasure.

"I like it. We should do it more often."

Since then I've loved nuzzling almost as much as I love Finn himself.


	7. Adventurous

**Adventurous**

"You're crazy!" I shouted after her, watching as she starts to run to the fence of the school yard.

"You're not any fun," She sticks her tongue out at me.

I roll my eyes in response.

"Come on, Finn. This is our last night in Lima and I want to make it a good one," She pointedly speaks.

"So you want to _break in to the school_?" I ask her like she's crazy.

"Okay, this isn't the school. It's the school playground. We're just going to climb over the fence and play. No big deal," She shrugs, giggling and running again.

I run after her, thinking at least if we get caught I could cover up for her and take most of the blame. But really, it's not that bad what we're doing. We had only just graduated from this school, in honor, a few months ago. I'm sure that if we were caught we wouldn't receive any severe punishment.

She jumps onto the fence, her little ballet flat covered feet sticking into the holes as a grip before she swings her legs over the top, one after another. When she jumps down I get a glimpse of her white panties with little gold stars all over them. A smirk spreads across my face as I climb the fence myself, jumping over it quicker than she had.

A large smile is on her face and she runs to the swing set, hopping onto one of the blue flexible chairs. Her hands go up to the chains and grip onto it. She kicks her legs a few times, her toes hardly touching the ground.

"Push," She demands.

I follow the instruction and go behind her to give her a few light pushes, not wanting to hurt her or anything.

"Give me an underdog or something. You're boring me here, Hudson," She looks back at me with a playful smile.

I shake my head and do as she told, running under the swing. Her loud laughter fills the air and delighted squeals shake around me. She's happy as hell here and I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because this is where her school experience started. It's where she would meet the people, unfortunately not nice at the time, that would be her best friends. It was the beginning.

And now it was sort of the end. We were saying goodbye. We were going to New York together and it was all going to just be a memory that we wouldn't live out anymore. We wouldn't go to glee club rehearsal anymore, see Mr. Schuester, eat dinner with our parents every weekend, or visit any of our friends. We were leaving and starting all over in New York.

I couldn't be any more excited for it.


	8. Baby

**Baby**

"Do you like that?" I whisper into his ear, my tongue dipping to circle his ear lobe.

As a response, Finn lets out a groan of satisfaction; one of pure pleasure.

I grin before starting my ministrations with my hands again. I was straddling his lower back, massaging his back. He had been pretty tense lately with our first finals coming up. I thought it'd be nice to treat him to a taste of Rachel Berry Time.

"Baby, you have no idea how great this feels," He murmurs against his arm where his head is lying.

"So maybe if Broadway doesn't work I should fall back on being a masseuse?" I tease.

"Definitely. But, we all know Broadway is going to happen, so… maybe I could be your only customer. I'll pay," He explains, peeking over his shoulder up at me.

I let out a laugh before reaching over to grab more oil.

"Alright, get up."

"I don't want to," He whines.

"Finn, I want to get the rest of your clothes off. Your back is definitely not the only place I want to rub you tonight," I playfully smirk.

He jumps off the bed, tearing his pants off in the process, in merely five seconds.

A/N: **_Go follow me on tumblr! .com - pretty please review and go follow :) Thanks_**


	9. Bemused

**Bemused**

She was hiding something from me, but I wasn't sure exactly what it was. Like, for some reason whenever she had free time, she always had to go to dance rehearsal or something else. It sucked. I believed her at first because she's in the school's production of Fiddler on the Roof, but Kurt told me she didn't even have to go to dance rehearsal.

I was trying to brush it off. Rachel was probably just on her period or something. She wasn't avoiding me.

However, it really felt like she was and I can't help but let my mind wander to the worst case scenario; she's cheating on me. She probably is just leaving as soon as I get home from my last class of the day, telling me she has dance rehearsal, but instead of going to the studio she's going to some theater, handsome dude.

I sit down and watch TV in the small living room, wishing she would come home so we could spend some time together.


	10. Benevolent

**Benevolent**

I was so excited for Finn to get home today. We had barely spent time together for the last month, but that's because I was preparing myself for the surprise I wanted to give to him. I seriously could not wait to see the surprise and happiness etched onto his face….

The front door opens up and there he is; six feet, three inches and all. He looks at me glumly, a slightly bit of surprise playing across his facial features.

"You're home… that's new," He grumbles.

I frown, standing up from where I had been sitting on the couch, and walking over to where he had just entered our apartment. He wasn't supposed to be sad right now. Why was he sad?

"How was your day?" I decide to ask him.

He shrugs, "Why's it matter?"

"I was… I was just waiting for you to come home so I could-."

"Go," He interrupts with fury, "So you can go to dance rehearsal?"

I sigh. The acidic, sarcastic tone in his voice when he mentioned dance rehearsal caused my stomach to churn. Did he catch on to my plan?

"I thought that this would have gone better…" I start.

"You think that I would have reacted any other way to you telling me that you've been cheating on me?" He bursts out.

My jaw drops open.

"_What?_" I screech.

"I know," He nods, "I know that there aren't dance rehearsals. Is this… is this guy like stronger than me? Taller than me? I mean, I don't know what I did but-."

"Finn!" I cut him off. "You are _crazy_! I haven't been cheating on you!"

"Then what have you been doing?" He yells back.

"I was getting stupid drum lessons, you ass," I slap his chest, pushing him away from me in anger.

"What?"

His turn for the jaw to drop.

"I wanted to surprise you, Finn. I wanted to show you that I'm interested in everything you do because I love you. And I would never cheat on you. And for you to insinuate that makes me really upset. Do you not trust me? I mean, I thought we already agreed that we would never feel insecure about anything like that."

"Rachel, I trust you more than anything," He finally says after a minute flew by. "It's just… I'm not that special. And we're in New York where there are _tons _of better people. People more suitable for you. I'm sorry I jumped to that conclusion but you were always gone for the past month. I barely saw you and then Kurt told me that there aren't dance rehearsals, so I kind of went a little crazy."

My heart beats faster and I feel tears stinging the back of my eyes.

"The only person suitable for me is you, Finn," I assure him. "I would hope the feeling is mutual."

"It is," He nods his head, leaning down to capture my lips in a heated kiss.

My head spins and my stomach does flip flops. It's all too surreal when I'm with him. And every day I just feel more and more in love with him.

"Show me," He breathes against my neck, the warm air contradicting with the cool wet path his tongue left.

I shiver, lost in the moment of passion before uttering out, "What?"

My eyes are squeezed shut as he sucks on my neck. I automatically move my fingers up to twine through his hair, letting out a moan of pleasure in the process.

"Show me what you can play on the drums," He insists, pulling away finally and looking me in the eyes.

I smile slightly and nod my head, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the hallway to the middle room. This was our "music" room. It was supposed to be an office and it's really small, but we don't really need an office. Plus, it's the only room in the house that isn't bordering someone else's apartment or the hallway. When we sound proofed it by putting up tons of canvas paintings, we tested it. No one could hear a single clash to the drum set. It was perfect. No angry neighbors and upset attendants.

I bend down to reach into my bag I had set on the floor, pulling my drum sticks out. They were a plain pair, but I still liked them. I had gotten used to holding them in my hands after the second lesson.

I climbed onto the kit, positioning myself before starting out with a slow, steady beat. I couldn't do much else because I was a beginner, but I could manage to hit all of the drums and the cymbal when needed. I played for a bit longer before ending with a crash.

Looking up at Finn, I let out a giggle. He had the biggest half smile on his face and his horny face on as well. It was a strange mix I hardly saw, but whenever I did see it I couldn't help but laugh.

"That was awesome. And hot," He points out. "You're really good. Who's been giving you lessons?"

"One of the theater girls, Mara," I explain.

"Maybe I could be your instructor from now on?" He raises an eyebrow.

"I don't know," I playfully contemplate.

"Please."

I giggle and stand up, going over to him before jumping in his arms. His hands quickly go to my butt to hold me flush against his body. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist.

"Of course," I grin. "Now let's have sex."

"Eager, are we?"

He smiles anxiously, practically running to the room before dumping me on the bed.

"And I'm the eager one?"

He answers by capturing my lips in a kiss.


	11. Beloved

**Beloved**

My fingers dance across her olive toned skin, creating a circling pattern that she arches her body into. She's so striking that I couldn't take my eyes off of her even if I wanted to. Her body was sculpted to the nines, every curve smooth yet flat. She works hard to keep a nice figure and for that I thank her. I'm sure she feels the same about me and my abs or biceps.

Her breasts are puffed out, these small bumps to her body. Most guys wouldn't think much of them, but I _treasure _these breasts. They fit in my hands perfectly, look awesome, and _are _awesome. Her torso is smooth. My finger slides down the valley between her breasts, straight to her belly button where they rotate around the small hole.

She squirms as my fingers touch her shaved bikini area, one of my favorite parts on her entire body. She's clean and soft and… it's just a major hard on for me.

My finger does a figure eight motion around her clitoris and opening, teasing her as much as I can. I'll give in as soon as she whimpers because I don't want to torture her, but I need to still work her up.

Dropping my head to her chest, my mouth closes around one of her pink nipples. My tongue dips around it and flicks at it. I grin against her skin when I feel the wetness downstairs spread to my fingertips when I haven't even gone in yet. She was almost ready.

"Finn, please," She begs, widening her legs for easier access.

I nod against her breasts, nipping at the other one to give it attention as well before sliding my tongue down the same trail my finger had merely five minutes ago. My lips kiss her taut pubic mound before liking down to her clit.

And when my tongue brushes the bundle of nerves, she lets out a shrill moan.

Score.

She tastes awesome too. Sweet, yet there's this… _zang_ to it like pineapples or something. And that's not even a word, zang, but that's the only way I can describe it. I'm sure Rachel could tell me what I was meaning to say, but I don't want to ask her right now. Maybe later.

I push one finger into her opening and immediately her walls clench around it, spreading a new gush of wetness that coats my lips. I lap it up eagerly before continuing my ministrations to her clitoris.

I look up at her when I push two fingers in and my eyes lock right with hers. Whenever I'm giving her oral, she loves when we make eye contact. Her iris' darkens and appear to be black. I could see that being possible if it was nighttime or something, but it's the middle of the day. The bright sunlight is shining through our large windows on the west wall that faces out to the city. We were quite a ways up, so it's not like anyone would see us, which is why we never close the curtains.

She bites her lip when I quickly lick at her and when my lips lock around her nub and suck, her eyes squeeze tightly shut and her hands drop to the sheets, gripping them tightly in her hands.

"Yes, Finn," She sings.

I feel her walls start to pulse around my fingers and I try to get her to come undone.

One extra finger slides into her opening even though it's already pretty tight, but this is a good estimation of my size, so it'll help her get there. My middle finger pushes up against her G-spot and she jerks her hips forward.

"Oh yes, yes, yes," She screams. "Fuck babe."

With one more thrust of my fingers and a long suck on her clit, I'm hit with a wave of her cum as she cries out in euphoria. My name falls from her lips and rings in the entire room and I just _love _when she says my name while climaxing.

It usually rarely happens. Most of the time she just lets out a moan/scream thing, but when she says my name… damn.

Moments like these will never get old.


	12. Bijou

**Bijou**

I had always loved the fact that Rachel was little. It was exactly opposite of my gigantic self, a nice change. I didn't mind that I had to bend down a little more so we could share a kiss, or that we could never have sex against the wall comfortably because our midsections were totally off alignment (sure I could hold her up, but come on- how much does strength can a guy have while engaging in a highly physical, mind blowing, body spasm-ing activity?), or that it was impossible to have both of our heads in the shot when we were on Skype with family and friends.

The cons were definitely there, but like I said, I didn't mind. I didn't mind simply because of the pros. I loved how I could wrap my arm around her shoulders at an easy rest. I loved how tiny her waist was, how thin she was in general- her shape was hot and fit, a total turn on. Her breasts were still riding out in an A-cup, but they were my body's best friend. My hand could clasp completely around hers, yet still intertwine nicely with hers.

It's just… we're two oddly shaped puzzle pieces that somehow work. I don't know how or why. We just do.


	13. Believe

It was like he was the rock in our relationship. Usually I'd find it the other way around, and he'd agree, but since we moved to New York I had become a completely dependent girl on her hunky heroic male lover. It's not like I was complaining. In fact I was very pleased with the shift.

I felt safe with Finn. Above all things I knew that wherever I was, Finn would make sure that I was cared for. He'd never let the bizarre city swallow me whole. He was a great protector.

He always supported me, which was such an awesome thing. The feeling of pride would soar through me when he would, at random times, tell me how I was going to make it.

"You're a star shining brighter than all of New York City's lights. You'll be able to make it to Broadway," He'd tell me, tucking some of my dark brown hair behind my ear.

I'd sigh happily and nuzzle my cheek against his hand, offering the smallest smile ever. I wasn't sure if it was out of comfort or if it was for him. All I knew was that I was happy and that I had the best boyfriend ever.

It would be all I would need for the rest of my life. Broadway or not, I'd still have Finn.


	14. Belittle

**Belittle**

"What did she say to you?" I demand, sitting down right next to him on the couch.

"It's nothing, Rach… I mean-."

"Just tell me what she said to you," I interrupt him, not even caring what little excuses he has to say. He shouldn't have taken that phone call. He shouldn't be keeping in contact with Quinn Fucking Fabray no matter what it's about; whether it's an emergency or just small talk.

He lets out a long sigh.

"Well, she tried to get me to go back to Ohio and be with her," He explains.

I raise my eyebrows at him, anger rising in my chest.

"And she then called me stupid for not wanting to take up the offer."

And then I just explode.

"Finnegan Christopher Hudson, you are not stupid! She's stupid. She doesn't know anything about what it means to be kind. She's going to be alone for her entire life and it'll be her own fault. When she learns to take some blame for herself, then we can talk to her. But for now, let's just keep our distance."

"Agreed."


	15. Courage

**Courage**

"You can _do this_," I stressed, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "Why are you even doubting your talent?"

"I'm not that good, Finn! You are just saying that I am," She cries, tears streaking painfully down her face.

"I would never lie to you, Rach."

"I'm not the best one in the class, okay?" She explodes, chocking out a small cry at the end.

My face falls. She had always told me that she was so great in her classes and that she didn't feel threatened by anyone. Now she did? What was going on? Rachel never let others get in the way of how she felt about herself. She was strong (and conceited), so what was said and done by others never deterred her self-confidence.

"W-What?" I question confusedly.

She turns her head so I can't see her face, "I said I'm not the most talented person in my class. There's this girl, Mariah, who is _so _good and just… she's real pretty. You'd think so too. You'd probably think she's prettier than Quinn. And we all know Quinn is prettier than I, so that means that Mariah is the epitome of beauty, way better-."

"Stop it," I interrupt, sitting next to her and placing my hand on her chin.

I force her to look my way and my heart almost breaks at the sad look in her watery eyes.

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world. For some bizarre reason you don't see that, but everyone else does. And also, you are so talented Rachel. I've heard tons of people sing and you are the best out of all of them. Famous or not. You'll do fine at the auditions. You just have to have some faith in yourself. I love you," I assure her, my thumb smoothing back and forth over her soft skin.

She sniffs loudly and her lips curl into a small smile.

"I love you."

And though we don't do anything special after that little argument/discussion, like have make up sex or even just kiss, I still don't mind. We just lie their together, tangled in each other, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be.


	16. Cool

**Cool**

I wasn't exactly what you would call popular back in high school. Aside from the glee club, no one associated with me whatsoever. For some reason all of my fellow classmates were deranged or chromosomally challenged or _something_, because I honestly don't know why people wouldn't want to be friends with me. Or at least tolerate me, for God's sake.

Things changed when we moved to New York. Not only did I have Finn, Kurt, and Blaine, but I started to make friends. Real friends. Like this girl Sheila in my _Musical Theory _class. Her and I went for coffee every Thursday at lunch time. Or this girl Mindy who liked to take Finn and I to a whole bunch of house parties. And then there's Jon, a totally amazing (and to Finn's relief, gay) boy who wants to be an actor just as badly as I do.

Okay, so I have a total of three new friends, but in my book that's close to one hundred. It makes me feel awesome.

I feel popular.

And most of all I feel wanted. Finn had always made me feel that way, but it was a different kind of want. He was the filling of me, my soul mate, the one I wanted to wake up with every morning and live with for the rest of my life in nothing but love, love, love. Not the kind of want a human needs for companionship outside of his or her home.

And that's what my three new friends are.


	17. Confrontation

**Confrontation**

I said, "It broke."


	18. Confused

**Confused**

The panic etched onto his face was enough to get me to jump straight up from where I was tangled in the blankets, revealing my naked body.

"W-What do you mean?" I question with horror, my tingly feeling dropping to an all-time low.

"I mean I took it off and… my stuff… was oozing from the condom," He hurriedly explains.

"I-I don't understand," I shake my head.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you put it on!" He exploded.

"What? Are you kidding me? Are you really blaming _me_ for this?"

"Well you were the one who put it on this time!" He points out angrily.

And then I just fall back into a sitting position on the bed, dropping my face to my hands and crying loudly. It was my fault, wasn't it? I was the one who thought it'd turn him on if I opened the package with my teeth. Then I thought it'd make him even more turned on if I put it on for him, something I had never done before. But I'd seen him do it so many times… I knew what I was doing.

Sadness, grief, anger, and confusion coursed through my system. I wasn't just angry. I was furious now.

"Get out," I look up at him.

He must have put his boxers on while I was crying.

"What?" He looks confused.

"I said get the fuck out!" I screamed, tears pouring.

I stood up as tall as I could.

"Rach," He looked guilty, finally realizing that he said the wrong thing.

I didn't really give a shit.

"No."

"Baby, we need to talk about-."

"GET OUT!" I went after him, slapping him across the face.

His head turned with the contact of my hand and his jaw dropped open in shock and hurt.

I didn't care.

He scrambled for his clothing, left the bedroom. Then I knew he left when the front door slammed shut.

Still completely nude, I flop down on the bed, bury my face in the pillow, and then cried myself into sleep.


	19. Cold

**Cold**

I missed her. Being without her was hell. I missed sleeping next to her, feeling the warmth of her skin, the velvety organ I loved so much of hers. Yet I couldn't go back.

Not until she gave me permission to.

Because I was an ass who had the balls to blame _her _for what happened. It wasn't her fault. It was _not _her fault at all. It was mine for being such a douche.

I was sleeping on Brody's couch for the past week. I had gone back to the apartment one day during one of her classes to pick up some clothes and other necessities. I could tell Brody wasn't enjoying my presence too much, but he wouldn't ever kick me out. He was a good friend.

But this couch was lumpy and smelt of booze, vomit, even sweat from numerous wild college parties that had been held in this small ass apartment; smaller than Rachel's and mine. And it was nowhere near being as comfortable as home was.

That's where I wanted to go. Home.

But I couldn't.

I was alone. I was unwanted. I was dark and depressed and falling into a dark labyrinth of life...

I was cold.


	20. Consult

**Consult**

I had an appointment today at Planned Parenthood. I had never supported the program, but it was something I feel that I can rely on since I certainly could not go to my regular gynecologist as my dads' would be informed. So it was my safe place. I didn't have any place else, anyone else to go to.

Not Finn, definitely not my dads', Burt, or Carole. I couldn't tell my friends.

I was ashamed of myself. The first week from Finn I was just pissed off at him. I didn't even miss him. Maybe there's something wrong with that. But the week after that I realized that it was my fault. Because I was just being a dumb little girl who thought I could do adult things. Clearly that was false.

And now I was getting ready for an appointment to see if I really was pregnant or not.

Tears welled in her eyes as I gets her blood taken as a part of the blood serum testing for hCG levels in my system to determine whether I am pregnant or not. I go over the options in my mind as I get to the subway to ride back to the apartment.

If I was pregnant, I had limited options. I could drop out of school and raise the child. But that would ruin my future, my career. I haven't grown to the thought of having a child at nineteen yet and I am not sure if I ever will. This was something I wanted to happen when I was thirty or something. Or I could give the baby up for adoption. But I couldn't do that. I could never do what my own mother did to me. Of course there was… abortion… but I'd never, ever consider that.

I'd just have the wait until I got the results back. And then I'd move from there.


	21. Clock

**Clock**

I'd been waiting for her to come back, or to call, or _something_. But she hasn't.

And I haven't reached out to contact her either.

_Time's A Waistin'_


	22. Confirm

**Confirm**

The results were negative. I wasn't pregnant. I maybe should have been relieved, but I was just scared. More scared than I would have been if I was pregnant. Because now I don't know where my relationship is. If there even is a relationship still.

Before anything, I got myself on birth control. After contemplating the options, I decided to go with the patch as it seemed the most logical and the most trusting. I now no longer have to worry about getting pregnant by Finn.

If Finn even still wants to have sex with me.


	23. Connected

**Connected**

I was the one to go back. I had missed her for too long. It had been too long; three weeks of hell. I needed to just man up and go face her. Because if she was pregnant, it'd be my kid too and I want to be supportive of her. I love Rachel more than anything and whatever the outcome would be… I'd never stop loving her.

When she opened the apartment door, she lunged herself at my body, wrapping her arms around my neck and snuggling her face against mine. I feel the tears from her wet on my face and I walk in the apartment with her still attached to my body.

"Shh, Rach," I try to calm her weeps. I shut the door with my foot and walk over to the couch, sitting down with her.

She blubbers her apologies and explains everything, how she went to Planned Parenthood all by herself and she hated it, how the results were negative, how she was now one birth control, and how she missed me so much.

I told her that I couldn't manage being without her and that I never want to be without her.

When we went to our bedroom (Oh thank the Lord for this wonderful bed!) we cuddled closely together and I felt my whole body warm up and I felt whole again. We're the perfect two and I don't want to spend my life waiting to seal that official deal.

It was then that I decided I would propose to Rachel Berry.


	24. Delightful

**Delightful**

I feel like I never really take the time to appreciate Finn. He's such a good person and I can't even process really how I deserved anyone as lovely as he. What baffles me the most is the fact that he loves me just as much as I love him. How it's even possible is beyond me, buy why question anything?

We'll be together forever. And the engagement ring on my finger proves that.


	25. Domineering

**Domineering**

My hands were tied to the head board and I had a blindfold over my eyes, which was pure torture if you ask me. She was rocking herself up and down the shaft of my erect penis, plunging her heat and slick walls around me. The feeling was completely awesome, but it sucked that I couldn't see her.

I know she's touching herself since she just moaned out "I'm touching myself" and that doesn't help anything. I yearn so badly to reach down and touch her to, and I try to break free from the headboard.

I blow my load and she tightens around me, reaching her own high.

"I didn't like that," I frown after I fall from my high.

The blindfold is taken off of me and Rachel's smirk comes into view.

"Well I did."


	26. Delicious

**Delicious**

His cool breath created an opposite reaction to my heat as he whispered against my slick entrance, "You taste _awesome_."


	27. Dim

**Dim**

The sky was all grey which means we'll be spending the day in the apartment. We're snuggled in bed, trying to keep each other warm since our place isn't very well heated.

"Can you believe we'll be married in four years?"

"Four years?"

"Well, I don't want to get married before I graduate college," She looks at me over her shoulder.

"Yeah, totally," I agree although it kills me inside that I'll have to wait that long.

Whatever makes her happy, I guess.


	28. Darling

**Darling**

"Good morning, darling," He sings to me from where he's cooking in the kitchen.

I scrunch up my face at the unfamiliar term of endearment. He never called me that before.

"What's that face for?" He chuckles.

I shake my head, "You called me _darling_."

He shrugs, "Yeah, and?"

I look at his face and see that he's a bit put off that I'm calling him out for referring to me like that. Even though I'm not a big fan of 'darling', the more I think about it the more I grow onto it. It's a more intimate way of saying 'babe' or 'honey'. I shake my own head and offer a bright smile.

"Nothing, baby. I love it."


	29. Dance

**Dance**

There was no music playing, yet she insisted we dance. She didn't even hum to create a melody. We just swayed, our bodies flush against one another. It wasn't until five minutes had passed that I realized what we were keeping beat to.

Our hearts.


	30. Dreams

**Dreams**

"What do you want for us?" She asks late at night.

I wonder how she knew I was still up. It had been an hour ago when we settled in for bed, saying goodnight to one another.

I let out a slow breath.

"I want us to be happy."

"Forever? Like, you want to be with me forever and you want to be happy with me forever," She pushes on.

I smile softly as I feel her hand slide under the blanket, across my bare arm, and down to my own hand where she intertwines or fingers. My thumb grazes along the heart shaped diamond that is her engagement ring.

"Forever."


	31. Everything

**Everything**

He's laughing really loudly and we're getting dirty looks from the other movie goers. I should be embarrassed, angered, ashamed…

But I'm not. I'm just proud.

I smile at him and he whispers, "Watch the movie, not me!"

I giggle and shake my head before turning my head to look back to the screen, snuggling up against his arm.

He will forever be enough.


	32. Eternity

**Eternity**

"You sure you want to spend the rest of your life with _her_?" A voice says from behind me where I sit at the bar with a beer in hand watching Rachel dance with her girlfriends.

I turn around with a glare on my face.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

I don't like this dude; this guy who is the opposite role of Rachel in the school's production of _Fiddler on the Roof_. Rachel's some Jewish girl who is getting married to this poor Jewish man who is this dick talking to me now, Collin.

"It means there are so many hotter, less annoying chicks out there. I mean, come on. She hardly has tits, a huge nose, talks your fucking ears off,-."

I cut him off with a punch to his nose, watching in satisfaction and in anger as he falls from his bar stool.


	33. Exciting

**Exciting**

"You are just _lucky _that the bartender didn't call the police, Finn," I snap at him. "I can't believe you acted so… so uncivil in front of my cast mates!"

He turns around and faces me, "Rach, I was defending your honor. That dude was saying things about you that I didn't like-."

"Like what?"

"Nothing," He tightly says.

"Tell me, Finn," I follow him as he turns down the hall towards our bedroom.

"You don't want to hear it," He strains out in a hurt voice. "It was rude."

My face falls before I meekly say, "I can handle it."

"He called you annoying and… unattractive."

Tears should well up in my eyes, and Finn turned around probably expecting an emotional breakdown, but instead I smile brightly and jump up in Finn's arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. His hands go to my thighs to hold me up.

"Well in that case, the ass deserved it."

I kiss him passionately on the lips, never having been so proud of calling Finn mine ever before.


	34. Examples

**Examples**

"Can't we stop," I groan, rubbing my head. "I think my brain's going to explode."

"Not possible, Finn," She reprimands. "We're just studying."

"It is too possible. With enough pressure or heat. And you think _you're _smart one?" I tease.

"Shut up and let me read the next illustration," She glares.

I sigh audibly before listening to her steady, strong voice.

"Name four different scales, bottom note to top note."

I sometimes hate my Music Theory class.


	35. Envelop

**Envelop**

I let out a cry of pleasure as he enters me from behind. This is the first time we've done the spooning position, where the male enters the female from where he's cuddled against her back. The different angle allows him to just barely get in, which would usually be unsatisfying, but is actually quite the wonderful tease.

The intimacy makes my heart beat rapidly and I feel tears welling up in my eyes because he slides his hand down from my chest to my hand and holds it in his own, giving it a little squeeze as he kisses my cheek.

I choke out a sob and Finn stops his thrusting.

"Baby? Are you… is everything okay? Did I hurt you?" He asks alarmed.

I shake my head and sniff, "Everything is just so perfect. I love you."

"I love you too," He promises, kissing me on the cheek again.

"Keep going," I beg, pushing myself back against him.

He nods against the crook of my shoulder and starts moving his hips softly, sweetly against mine.


	36. Eerily

**Eerily**

She screams next to me and I whip my head over to look at her, her small hands covering her eyes, her knees up to her chin.

I let out a laugh, "You're not really scared, are you? It's just Freddy Krueger."

She peeks out from between her fingers and looks at me with wide, fright filled eyes and whispers, "I'm never going to be able to sleep again! Why would you show me this?"

It was then that I knew I was never going to watch a scary movie with Rachel ever again.


	37. Enchant

Enchant

I felt like a princess right now, wearing this white and tea-length dress. The printed organza fabric was stunning, and a sash around my waist with a flower towards the side set everything perfectly. It made tears well up in my eyes when I saw myself in the mirror after zipping it up.

It was simple, to say the least, but would be perfect in a year on August 14th when I walked down the aisle.

It was the thing that I wanted to wear when I marry Finn. This was _the_ dress.

(Rachel's dress is .com/Product_Short-Printed-Organza-Gown-with-Floral-Sash-WG3313_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Silhouette-Short)


	38. Fever

**Fever**

"I don't feel good," I pout with a raspy voice.

"Oh baby," Rachel coos, climbing into bed and kneeling next to me. She leans over and places her small hand on my forehead. I close my eyes, thankful for her soft touch and cool hands.

"Oh my God! You're burning up," She gasps, her hand moving down to caress my cheek. "You're not going today."

"But babe, I promised I would make it to the cast brunch with you," I tell her. "I'm… I'm fine."

I break out into a fit of coughing and she shakes her head.

"We're not going to the cast brunch."

"We?"

"Yes, we. I'm staying home to take care of my man."


	39. Family

**Family**

"We're gonna be a family now. Like husband and wife," I comment lovingly from where I sit in his lap.

I feel him nod his head against the crook of my shoulder.

"I know."

I can also practically feel the smile that spreads across his face.


	40. Flashbacks

**Flashbacks**

I was nervous. Like, really nervous, but I'm not sure why. It's not like she was going to be upset; no, she would be ecstatic about my acceptance, but… there was always that doubt I had in my mind. Like, what if she decided that she didn't want me to be with her anymore? Than every plan I had made for my future would have been destroyed.

"What is it, Finn?" She giggles, watching me dash up the staircase to where she was standing at the top. I couldn't wait for her to come down the steps so I just sort of let myself in her house and ran right up, meeting her half way.

We walked down the hallway to the end where her bedroom was, shutting the door behind us.

Before anything, I kissed her on the cheek and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too," She leveled me with a suspicious stare. "What's going on?"

"I got in."

"What?"

"I got in to Brooklyn University. I'm going to New York with you."


	41. Fain

**Fain**

"And when I'm with you, nothing else matters, Rachel. Because you're all that I'll ever need, you're all that I'll ever want. You're like this big shining star and for some reason you choose to let me love you. I don't want you to ever regret letting me love you, which is why I'll make sure to be honest with you, to help with the laundry, to support you, and most of all; to love you until the day I die," He poured out to me, looking me in the eyes with burning passion, bright love.

Tears were watering in my eyes and I sniffed, giggling softly.

"You're sweet," I whisper. "I love you."

He slipped the beautiful ring on my finger. It was simple; just a white gold band. But it had an engraving on it. Forever. Our word that describes us perfectly. The word that we chose to be the theme of our lives after we sang our hearts out to each other sophomore year at Regionals. And now here we are, making everything official.

My heart fluttered as we mimicked each other, and Finn gets his ring from me, a simple band that matches mine but thicker for masculinity. He breaks the glass and we walk back down the aisle together to start our lives as a married couple.


	42. Fatuous

**Fatuous**

I dance like a silly man and she laughs her ass off. Maybe it has to do with the three or four glasses of champagne she downed so far during the reception, or maybe I'm just that bad of a dancer.


	43. Fornicate

**Fornicate**

"We're having sex," He groans against me, thrusting inside, "as a married couple."

"I know," I cry out in pure bliss. "It's amazing, right?"

"Definitely."


	44. Futurology

**Futurology **

"Aren't you ever afraid of the future?" I ask, scared that I may never be hired as a teacher anywhere in the country.

Things with job hunting hadn't been going exactly great recently and I feel like a loser. Rachel was already cast in a Broadway show, although she doesn't have a big part, she's still working a decent job, doing what she loves to do while I bartend at nights for cash to get us by every month.

"No," She shakes her head. "Because the present is way more important."

I'm silent for about two minutes before she continues.

"You'll get a job, Finn. You'll be hired as a teacher for some music related class because you deserve it and you're amazing at what you do. You're a great person and a great educator. Don't worry about it."


	45. Generous

**Generous**

The moment he realizes just how unselfish Rachel is was when they were having a picnic in Central Park. The city was filled with people buzzing around, living their busy lives just like any other day. Sun shining, clear sky, and luscious green grass set the scene to their perfect little picnic. It was their first as a… as a married couple.

That never failed to make him smile.

His wife spreads the red checkered blanket on a free patch of land and places the picnic basket in the center before kneeling down herself, smoothing her grey skirt over her thighs. He sits down, following suit.

Memories flood his brain as she opens up the basket and pulls out the plastic airplane cups.

"_You've got a little cosmo right there," He gently speaks, reaching his hand up to wipe the virgin drink off her upper lip. His thumb softly swipes at the red liquid and lingers there for a moment too long._

"_You know you can kiss me if you want to," She offers, looking into his eyes deeply._

_God, she was so pretty and nice and talented. And he had a girlfriend, but-_

"_I want to."_

The start of it all. They've gone so far, he and his soul mate.

"I see what you did here," Finn finally says.

She looks up at him with a sly smile.

"What?" She questions innocently.

"Recreating when we shared our first kiss. In the auditorium. Airplane cups, virgin cosmos, perfectly kissable lips…"

She bows her head and giggles, "You noticed? I'm glad that you didn't forget."

"Never," He shakes his head.

"You know," She starts, moving the picnic basket to the side, "you can kiss me if you want to."

He's about to say "I want to" when a desperate, panicked cry interrupts, coming from their right.

Rachel's head whips around with wide, nervous eyes to the source. A small boy with a red, tear streaked face stumbles around the full grown people. Lost and scared. No one even dares to stop and ask him what's wrong.

But Rachel does.

She gets up quickly and darts to the little boy. Finn follows behind closely, disregarding their picnic completely. And although someone might steal their possessions, he doesn't really care right now. Of course Rachel doesn't either.

"Oh, sweetheart, what's wrong?" She asks, bending down to get at eye level with him.

"I don't know where my mommy is," He weeps hysterically, his voice wavering with tears.

Rachel sighs sadly, "Oh, it's okay. We'll find your mommy, okay? Come on. What's her name?"

"Gina," The boy answers, holding onto Rachel's hand. He looks back at Finn with large eyes of fright.

"It's alright, he's with me, sweetie," She soothingly reassures the kid. "How about you tell me about yourself? What's your name?"

"I'm Gavin Hammil," He squeaks softly. "I like dogs. I like them a lot."

"Really? I do too," Rachel smiled. "Do you have a dog?"

The boy nods, "Her name is Shelly."

"Oh, I bet she's really pretty. What color is she?"

Finn smiles down at the two as the kid gets distracted from the situation and chats quietly with Rachel. She's so darn perfect. And when she finds the mother who had been searching frantically around the park for her son, she's rewarded with a huge hug from this stranger.

The smile on Rachel's face shows how good that that made her feel.

"Well, our stuff is gone," Finn disappointedly says, looking directly at his wife once they get back to where there picnic had been set up. Some New Yorkers only know the art of thievery.

She shrugs, "It was worth it."

He smiles and kisses the top of her head.

"You're amazing and I can't wait until we have our own kids who can look up to you with such appreciation like that little boy did."

**A/N:** _sorry for the hiatus :S_


	46. Gracious

**Gracious**

Finn had always been the kindest person I knew. Even when we were broken up in high school he was so supportive and nice to me. He tells me that he kept up on that because he knew that I was what he wanted. When he had made the mistake of getting back with Quinn, it was out of spite, and that's it. He held a pseudo relationship to cover up the strong feelings he had for me that he was scared of. He was only sixteen, almost seventeen, and he felt so deeply in love with me that it frightened him.

I can't help but smile that morning. I had woken up early, five AM. His chivalry and generosity had left a great impression on the principal of the Manhattan School for Gifted Children. It was a fine school that received tons of applicants, but only a few selected students were accepted. Finn would be the music teacher for the kids, conducting the band as well as teaching musical theory and instrumental lessons. Today would be his very first day on the job. It was September 3, 2019 and the first day of school, the first day of his dream job. No more would my husband have to work as a manager to Best Buy electronic store.

I had woken up early so I could make him breakfast. He'd be leaving home at six thirty and I wanted him to have an extravagant meal. Eggs, bacon, and waffles. When he woke up at five fifty, he said nothing to me. Just walked over to me and kissed me senseless, the feelings still extremely strong and powerful.

Afterwards he spoke up.

"Thank you so much. You are awesome and will forever be the best wife ever."

_A/N: IDK why I posted last chapter in third person? I was apparently writing in the wrong story haha. Sorry!_


End file.
